White Trash Blues - Saved By The Bell
At Thad McCone’s Juice Bar and Diner, the lonely outsider and proprietor of this upscale mod eatery has just discovered the cowering DP, clad only in the stolen muumuu and Jolene’s thong. Thad is delighted. DP perhaps less so. As they discreetly approach one another across the empty dining room, one with some eagerness, the other somewhat tentatively, the phone rings behind the designer muffin rotary display case.
Thad hesitates, torn between meeting an attractive new friend and the imperative to answer the urgently chirping instrument. Reluctantly he turns to the phone.
On the other end of the line is the dispatcher for the local volunteer fire and rescue service. Thad, we discover, is a member of that organization and, in addition to the juice bar, is the owner of the town’s only ambulance. The dispatcher relays the news of Shvoo’s pickup having careened into the pool at the Bowl-a-mat and explains the need to rescue both Shvoo and NY Guy.
Thad is at once both crestfallen and exhilarated. One of the few pleasures he finds in the life he has chosen that transcends meeting a fine new friend is the thrill of a high speed run with lights flashing and siren blaring. Putting aside one excitement for the other, he peels off his apron and latte-color designer muffin tee shirt then, not too quickly, slides on his rescue service tee with the embroidered EMT logo.
With a knowing nod Thad rushes out the door, fires up his ambulance, lovingly nicknamed “Old Lance” and with a roar of gravel races away from the diner.
DP, baffled by everything he has witnessed over the past few moments, breathes a sigh of relief. He realizes that due to the proximity of the diner to the Bowl-a-mat, Thad will not be gone long. DP reaches for the phone behind the exquisite muffin display and dials the pay phone that is just outside Radish’s back door.
It is just past noon and Mona is at that moment leaving the house to bring a breakfast pizza back to Radish before she goes to work. She stops to pick up the ringing public phone. Mona steps back over the work-in-progress Datsun motor next to the porch and relays the message to the still drowsy Radish that his friend needs to be rescued from the diner before Thad returns from his own mission of mercy. Radish agrees to bring a spare set of clothing and DP locks the door to the diner to wait for his ride.
Meantime, across town, Mamie Rey has been interrupted at her Poly Palace improvement project with the news that NY Guy has damaged the TipTop with his errant shooting. Still dressed in one of the new uniforms she is market testing to be used by her clerks who will be working the soon-to-be-opened adult books aisle at the Poly Palace, she mounts her trusty cycle and dashes back to the TipTop.
As she arrives Mamie realizes that the greater commotion is not about the minor damage to the tavern, but Shvoo’s pickup resting upside down atop the previous customer’s van in the car wash pool at the Bowl-a-mat. Realizing that her friend needs help and ignoring the apoplectic protests of NY Guy who is also treading water nearby, she leaps into the pool and heroically swims the three yards to the truck. At that same moment Thad pulls up in his ambulance and disregarding his own safety leaps into the pool as well.
Believing that Mamie Rey is a victim of the unfolding tragicomedy Thad secures her in an approved water-rescue headlock and tows her from the pool. Assuming that she must be in need of artificial respiration he applies his hands firmly to her chest - and immediately discovers her thirtieth birthday gifts to herself. Thad is profoundly impressed with his find.
And he is dumbfounded that he is impressed. In a moment of self-realization he discovers feelings that he never knew were possible with any mammal of the opposite gender. Mamie, too, is smitten. In their sudden, sodden bliss they are both oblivious to the cries in the pool behind them.